Beautiful Sad Song

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
Cause I saw the end before we'd began,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there.
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held you head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me.
Remember us and all we used to be.
I've seen you cry. I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine.
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time.
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby. I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

-James Blunt
"Goodbye My Lover"

MM

He is the ideal man. He is the one that you hoped you married. He may flirt. He may have his fantasies. But when the reality of what is possible to him yields only the thought of his marriage... he is the one I can't have. He makes me laugh so hard I cry. He makes my insides hurt at the thought of him. He makes my logic have reason. He seems to have all the traits and all the personality that makes me tick. But as we chat... as we flirt... as we make sense... he is married. I thought about how it hurt. I think about how it made me sick. I think about how it made my whole body ache. And in that moment, I almost didn't care.

Pirates 2

There's no such thing as jotting down a few things. By the time I get to my journal, weeks have passed. So, let's do a quick recap with some highlights...

I've now spoken to Geoffrey Rush and Jonathan Pryce. Both classics, in my opinion. Funny how they make me more nervous than speaking to a younger superstar. Things are going well. I think I have about 2 months left on this show. Red permanent markers checking off each day until we reach March ??? who knows when we will actually finish. Heard today that they are actually taking bets down in the Bahamas. Me, I just keep chugging along until they tell me to pack up my stuff and never come back again. As crazy as this show has been, I'm really glad for it. I've learned so much. And I've met some truly amazing people.

Rocky is doing great. He's 8-months now and really coming into his own. The training has truly paid off. And we had a scare... he got corrected by a stray rotty that I was going to foster. Needless to say but I will no longer be taking her in. I'm dying for a rotty but I think I will have to start from puppy and I'm just not prepared to do puppy-hood again. Sonic is fantastic. She's been sick but she's recovering nicely. I know she's having a hard time sharing me with Rocky. I can see it in her eyes, especially when I have him in my arms. She hasn't acted out at all. She's just an amazing creature.

Yin and Yang 2 are freezing. I need to move them inside before it gets even colder. But my house is so small and they take up so much space. It will be a cramped winter.... maybe cozy is a better word.

I'm headed to London in April, after I finish Pirates. I have some personal business to attend and I'm very excited. It's a change I've been wanting and needing. If I can convince my parents to watch the babies longer, maybe I can head over to Tuscany for a week. That should be fun. Lots to do and very little time to do it. The Brits are waking up, I better get busy.

Cheers.

Holy Cow! Rocky is 6-Months Old

Boy, life just keeps moving forward, ready or not. It's been forever since I've written. And for good reason, I've been working way more hours than is legal. And I've got my little baby boy. Whom I might add turns 6-months today. How crazy. Rocky Road... my little pug puppy. He has been a handful since I got him. Brought the little tyke home and found out 2 weeks later that he had giardia. Two weeks of diarrhea... can you imagine the dehydration and the burn in his little butt. Not to mentioned my soiled rug. Then the puppy separation anxieties... are you kidding me. I can't even leave the room without him yelping like he's being murdered. How anyone raises a puppy...???

Second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day... and now a good four months past. My little Rocky is growing up. He's doing much better in his xpen. He's actually not tearing it to shreds every single time I leave him in there. And he's even started to hold his pee... what a breakthrough.

As hard as these last few months, Rocky is such a love. He's so freaking adorable. I love when he does downward facing dog. And he's so cute when he's first stretching in the morning. He gets his back in this great arch. Makes me jealous as my back is stiffer than shit. And he sneezes... and he snarfles... ALOT. Oh, and he snores. It's the funniest sound to hear.

I haven't had much freedom in the last four months. But I'm slowly adjusting. Rocky is adjusting. Sonic is adjusting. Life will stay in perpetual motion... So here we are!

The Rave-Ups

Serendipity... against all odds, I made it to my friend's birthday bash at Molly Malone's last night. Illegally parked after 30 minutes of hopelessness, $9 in my purse and $10 cover charge... I was ready to "gently" toss the gift at my friend and go home. It was already 9:30pm and I hate going out on school nights. Borrowed a dollar from the birthday gal before the bouncer bounced me across the street. At that point, I needed a drink in a hurry, had to leave before my car got towed!

Quick chat about the first band crapping out lead me to find that they hadn't stumbled upon Molly's by chance. In fact, die hard fan Joel had brought out the troop to birthday bash to The Rave-Ups. WHAT! WHO? WHERE? WHEN? TONIGHT? HERE? I took a triple take. None of my friends there had heard of The Rave-Ups, besides Joel. No one could believe that I had heard of them. Joel wondered if I was closer to his age. NO! and holy cow!!! The Rave-Ups played at Molly Malone's last night. First gig in 15 years! Spoke briefly with Jimmer (and got a hug)... done raising his 17 year old son, Chance. Time to play again. Writing new music. HE SOUNDS THE SAME! It was awesome! I felt like I was part of a cult, except without the mohawk, the tats and the piercings.

Serendipity indeed!

Lights Are On...

Ever feel like the lights are out... I'm so exhausted. That seems to be the norm anymore. But finally, a gleam of light at the end of my tunnel. Things are slowing down. FINALLY!

I'm not sure but I feel like I willed something bad. I was so upset when Yin was taken. I was pissed! I'm still mad! How dare someone come into my backyard and steal my turtle. Who has that right? Who steals someone else's pet. I live in a great area. Besides the neighbors right next door, no one knows what I have in my backyard. But that's just it, the neighbors can see right into my backyard. They see everything. The walls are low. Who would have thought that was going to turn out to be an issue. After not much consideration, I knew who took Yin. The damn punk grand-kids. The same kids that come over when the grandparents are away and throw loud obnoxious parties until 4am. When I confronted the neighbors, the grandparents... I was careful. I simply asked them to check with the grandkids. See if they might have heard anything in the neighborhood. But like "proud" grandparents, they couldn't fathom the thought and I'm sure they never asked. But they don't know me. There's something very different with me. It's like Tom, my medium said, I have a sense and a will. Dragon's fire, he called it. And it's passionate and very powerful. So, with all my might, I cursed the "one" who stole my turtle. I cursed the "one" with bad health. I cursed the "one" with bad luck. That was a week ago. This morning, the sirens woke me up. Off in the distance, I could hear the sirens... inching closer and closer. Then my eyes opened and the sirens were next door. I don't know what happened. I just went to take a shower and get ready for work.

where's my Yin

Loads have happen. The crew came home, early hiatus. Tank not ready. Special Effects department in deep doo doo (is that a word)... I haven't had a break in 5 weeks. Should be a union rule about that. In fact, might call my pathetic union tomorrow and ask. Sending out surveyors and engineers... we hit rock! HOLY SHIT! Now what? Guess start up on P3 will be pushed. All else is alright. Am still freaked about Yin being taken from me. Signs are all still posted in the neighborhood but nothing. It's been 3 weeks. Finally had to bite the bullet and buy Yin 2. How odd? Yin 2 is a male red eared slider. If ever I'm going to buy a boyfriend, I guess this would be it! The two were in the same cubby the other day. Both skittish as hell. What the f*^k!

Called Dave Thomas. Am going to replace my gate. Need one higher. Have to build up the wall between the neighbor and myself. I've got a great idea for golden princess bamboo. Should be interesting when finished. Am pretty damn confidant it was the damn hoodlum grandkids that took Yin. Am very pissed. Confronted the grandparents but they were NOT catching on to my accusations. They even suggested I call the police. Fine idea!

Ok, maybe I'll have an early night. And actually relax a little. Who am I kidding? Back to work...

May 13, 2005

A male brindle pug is born today. I will not meet him for another 9 weeks. I will meet him by chance. I will meet him on my search for a fawn pug that my sister will name either Lucy or Root Beer.

This male brindle pug is mostly black with specks of gold and brown. He has the biggest brown eyes and the flattest nose. His profile is like a ski slope cresting over the top of his forehead. He has short black ears that flop down.

I will meet him during my P2/3 hiatus in June.

The Truth Is...

I am so tired. It's been four (4) weeks of non-stop madness. Pirates has taken over my life. Every spare moment of it. Who am I kidding... what spare moments. I'm being woken up at four in the morning by crazy wives. Always the damn crazy wives. God help me if I ever become one of them! One thing I know for sure... I would never want a husband that couldn't handle his own life. Wives calling me about hotels and phone numbers and how to reach their husbands. ENOUGH!

My weekend in San Francisco was filled with walking and talking. Me on my damn production cell. I'm so thankful that Shaun was so understanding. Friday night, I was up until 3am working on JD's charter. Are you kidding me? Saturday wasn't any better. I woke up around 6am to confirm Music Express. Fell asleep for another hour or so. Then was up and on my computer by 8:30am. This is quite the life I lead. I was relieved when Shaun dragged me out of the house. We had a nice breakfast at this little cafe. The we went down to the Presidio which I've never been. Was supposed to rain but we got really lucky. It drizzled here and there but we were able to walk to Fort Point and look around. I could never imagine having lived there, serving my country... waiting to defend the harbor in this cold brick fort. It never saw real action but still felt eerily cold... Hard to describe. Cool part was being under the Golden Gate Bridge. That was pretty neat. That was my hour of no cell service. My little reprieve for the weekend.

Shaun took me downtown to Union Square. I've been there before. A few different times in my young life. But honestly, I recognized NOTHING. It has changed so much. Like Beverly Hills stores move around to find better space and location... so does the stores in San Francisco. Nothing was where I had left it, at least in my mind. Even the hotel I used to stay in is gone. I felt like I was discovering some grand new place. Except for me being on the damn production cell phone... it would have been really nice. I must have looked really stupid walking the streets with the phone glued to my face.

Chinatown... my very first time going to the renowned San Francisco Chinatown. UHHHH, not so much. I wasn't that impressed. Lots of stuff I would never buy. Lots of stores that I wouldn't ever go into otherwise. And we walked up and down the damn strip trying to figure out where to eat. Why Shaun thought I would be helpful here... no idea... Finally, some girl thrusted out a flyer at me and when I took it from her, she lead us... (I'm not kidding)... down two blocks, right turn, half a block down (just before the alley), we entered into this building. She motioned for us to go up the stairs. Shaun started to follow her and I was like "are you kidding me?" What the hell kind of chinese restaurant is in this old decrepit building and up the stairs. I guess I said that a little too loud. Shaun chuckled and said I was being sold to slavery. HA! An hour later, I hadn't been sold to slavery and we were feasting on this amazing chinese food. I think we even bargained and got free egg rolls... like handbags in Santee Alley. It was weird! Would have been perfect had my damn production cell not rang 3/4 way through the meal.

Well, that's a little bit of what's going on. I'm tired. I must sleep now. Sonic is already curled up. It's time for me to join her.

Hilary

In light of everything that has been going on... this is insane. Hilary's sister died. I only met her once but that's all it takes. From what we gathered, she had a seizure. The oxygen couldn't get to her brain and when they found her, she was already brain dead. The rest, we're not sure. Did she past on her own or did the family pull the plug. We haven't been able to get in touch with Hilary. Just got bits from Allen, her husband.

It's taken me all night to even think how I could possibly put this down in writing. I'm so stunned. I'm so sad for Hilary and for her family. It just doesn't seem real at all.

Sonic

Sonic is starring intently at the computer screen as I type. She loves being on the desk. She especially loves to sit by the computer vent b/c of the hot air that blows out. At night, she'll sit directly under the halogen lamp and get a little sun tan. It always cracks me up.

During my week off, I spent alot of time in the office on the computer. For most of the day, she'll wander in and out of the office getting sleepier and sleepier by the minute. But for whatever reason, she won't go on her lovey and sleep. I'm not sure what made me do this but one day I brought in her little kitty donut bed and set it on a chair next to mine. Within seconds, she had hoped in the bed and fell asleep. I'm still learning.

Pirates

It's the end of my second day at Pirates. I'm still doing the happy dance. I think the benefits of the short commute far outweighs any tasks I normally would not prefer to do. I've been a very happy camper. I left work tonight at 707p and got home at 735p with a stop at Ralphs.

My only concern is Georgie's unwillingness to let go. Georgie is still clinging onto the job pretty tight. I know it's the sense of accomplishment that is important and her wanting to get things cleaned up before I take over. But production is messy, especially travel. At some point, she has to turn over the books. I hope she does.

However, big kudos to her for the job she has already done. I keep praising her. She has done a magnificent job. It's a huge production and she has pretty much handled all of travel without any help. Her stacks of files are atrocious. That will need some work. But the job itself is accomplished and at the end of the day, that is all that matters. To put it into perspective, I had thirty-six itineraries go through my desk today and they're already shooting AND that was just me.

This will be interesting.On another note, got loan approval yesterday. Will have loan docs to sign early next week and close escrow the following. This will be good. Pay off the credit card debt and get my garage roof replaced. Soon, very soon I will have my new kitchen.

Yin & Yang

Today is Day 7 of Yin and Yang being outside in their new home. As the Au Gratin was baking in the oven, I took a glass of wine outside and sat by the pond. One of the girls popped her head above the water. I think she's getting curious now. She came up several times. The other one came up once, saw me and duck back down. It has been a very traumatizing week for them and stressful for me. They haven't eaten since last Saturday. Fingers crossed. Maybe they will eat tomorrow.

FÊTE DE LA FAY

Here's my contribution to Fête de la Fay:

Au Gratin

1 onion, chopped
2 tbl. butter
1 tbl. flour
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp. white pepper2 cups half n half
2 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese (sharp is preferred)
6 potatoes, sliced
1/2 cup bread crumbs

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cook onions in butter until tender. Add the flour, salt, white pepper and cayenne pepper. Stir until smooth. Add half n half and 2 cups of the cheese. Heat to a boil. Place potatoes in a 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Pour the cheese sauce over the potatoes. Bake uncovered for about 1 1/2 hours, until top is brown. Mix remaining cheese and bread crumbs. Place over the cooked potatoes. Place in the oven and set temperature to 550/broil. Broil until crusty and light brown. about 4 minutes.

YUM!!!

AARRRGGGGGHHHHH

Guess what I'm working on... It's now official! I was bounced back and forth a bit but now it's done. I had to tell Jeff that I wasn't going to do the episodic which was hard until I actually did it. He was understanding and I was very thankful for that. So, I start on the 4th of April. No rest for the weary but I'm not complaining. Between YB and Phelan... I can't afford to be unemployed. Plus, I need a new garage door and I want new kitchen cabinets and counter. The only way for me to get what I want is for me to put in the time. Sounds like... LIFE!

Happy dance! Happy dance! I loves me my Bloom and Depp. This will be fun.

Photo Shoot

Just got home. It has been a very long day... productive but long. Today was going to be the big photo shoot at the beach with Jeanne and male yogi. Since the weather decided not to cooperate, I cancelled the beach portion of the shoot. Instead, we turned Julie's dining room into a studio and spent the day shooting Jeanne against the beautiful white wall. It was exhausting! Jeanne doesn't practice yoga but she has an amazing body AND she looked pretty damn good. Now, I just need the male perspective and the beauty shot. The goal is to launch the new website April 15th.

St. Patty's Day

It always happens. Nearing wrap, I felt disappointed that Jeff hadn't asked me about my future endeavors. Then the feelings subsided when I got the call for Pirates. Within moments, Jeff pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to POC the episodic for Over There. EEEEKKKKK!!! YIKES!!! Why does this always happen? I have to believe that I am making the right decision whatever I choose. It's been three years of nonstop for me. I'm so tired! At first, I needed it for my sanity. Then I gained momentum and I've been like a runaway freight train. 2005, I finally resolved that I need to slow down. And, I need to stop chasing the big budget films. All those personalities. All the politics. It's been all work and not much fun for Vickie.

I got the greatest call last week to work on an independent called Caffeine. Set in a British Cafe with all British actors (what's up with me and British lately). But why Santa Clarita??? I can't drive to Santa Clarita everyday for 3 months. I'm tired of driving to Fox and Sony! Oh well. The moral of this story, I'm not cut out for big budget films. I think I'm happier in the indie world (anything under 25mil).

Hmmmmmm...

Refinance

Is it just me? I've been sitting here for the last three hours (at least) sorting through all the receipts for the past 18 months looking for what? Home improvement receipts! My eyes are blurred, my head spinning. Desperately needing sleep since I didn't get much last night (Blind Justice wrap party). WOW! Making the decision to refinance was a good one. Having to pull "proof" for the equity is something else.

Good thing I'm not due in the office until noon tomorrow. I am finally getting my 2nd estimate for the garage roof. It has been 2 months since I made the appointment. Obviously not smart to wait until the rain season (and certainly not a rain season like the one we've just had). But who knew!!! So, estimate number 2 coming up. Estimate number 3 still 2-3 weeks away. Boy, those roofers are ALL having a great year. Too bad my roof isn't. But, must say... THANK GOD it's only the garage! and not the house.

NOTE TO SELF: Microfiching (is that a word) is a brilliant idea. These receipts are from Sept. 2003 and already they are fading. HELLO, what's the point of saving these receipts if I won't be able to read them when I need them... like NOW. So, spending extra time tonight scanning them ALL into the computer. It's the new age... hmmm, microfiche isn't!

Taxes

Glass of wine in hand, Virgin radio playing... it's Saturday night and I'm preparing for my taxes next week. This is what happens when I procrastinate. For the record, Virgin is playing the Steve Miller Band "The Joker"... I really love this station.

I needed to take a break from staring at my bank statements. After a while, you start getting blurry eyed, which is always a bad sign. I even got up to put a piece of Salmon in the oven. But the most exciting... Cellar No. 8. What a lovely cabernet.

I'll need the vino to get me through the rest of tax night. I can't believe how much there is to do. Between YB and the house... it's a big headache. I can't wait until 5pm next Saturday. By then, I'll know how bad or good a shape I'm in.

Alright, must have a bite to eat and get back into this. Ciao.