New Year's Resolution

who doesn't have these?

1. Lose 10 pounds (yea yea yea)
2. Find a nice film project with nice people to kick off the year
3. Clean my garage (get rid of the clutter)
4. Clean my house (holy cow, the amount of crapola!!!)
5. Find new home for Yin 2 and Yang (this is very sad for me but it's a must)
6. Paint the office (how? don't know yet, the space is a mess)
7. Sonic - dental appointment
8. Cut down palm tree
9. Start the remodeling process - yippeeeeeeee, hope I can afford it

okay, nine resolutions to start. not too shabby. some realistic, some will be repeated for 2008 (but why be pessimistic this early in the game).

here's to an incredibly auspicious 2007!

London

My journey begins... how long have I waited to visit the U.K.? I leave Sunday December 10th. Julie Fay will be joining me in the plane ride... she's going to visit Clive. As for me, slight change of plans but nothing I can't handle. I will have 8 days to play in London and I'm hoping to spend some time with Riz. Of course, there will be plenty of play time with the Pirates... including Andy's wedding.

London Tower Bridge (photo by Vickie). It was beautiful.

Sonic

Meet Sonic Boom Boom. She's my girl, my number one! There's no doubt in my mind that she and I were meant to be together. It is not only my responsibility to take care of her, it's my honor.

My ex and I rescued Sonic in December of 2000. We were on our way to a holiday parade in Montrose. My stepson was participating in the parade for the ROTC. Not only were we running late but we were forced to park quite a distance away from the main strip. As we walked underneath the 210 Freeway, I could hear a faint meow. I looked all around but it was dark and while there were homes in the neighborhood, I could tell the meow was coming from somewhere directly underneath the freeway bridge. It was several seconds before I saw the glow of cat eyes. It was distant and faint but it was there. Like I said, we were running late and had to bust a move if we were going to see any of the parade. As we left the site, I told my ex that if she was still there when we came back, we should try to rescue her.

She's almost six years old now. For the most part, she's a happy girl and she's thriving. As cats go, she's finicky and stubborn and incredibly shy. When I moved out of my house with my ex, it took Sonic almost a month before she would come out of the closet and start exploring our new apartment. I made a comfy cozy bed for her in the back of the closet and I remember joining her back there with a can of tuna. We would both sit in the dark, surrounded by my clothes and various other piles of crap. She would eat tuna and purr, I would cry about my ex. This was our ritual. This was how we both healed and learned to move on.

Sonic is my fabric and I can't imagine my life without her.

Force of Universe

Ever wonder what happens when people think? Ideas form, thoughts are shared. Suddenly, it's not such a strange phenomena. So, here am I... conforming to the mainstream. I'm blogging. What will I share? Who will I share it with? Who will care? Will I care?

My thoughts are both innocent and perverse. I can be crude and sensitive. Only time will tell how I blog and how I'm viewed. But no matter how I blog or how I'm viewed, this is my personal diary. I intend to share with everyone and no one. I will be honest. I will be emotional. I will write as if I'm in my head and alone.

Ever the Same

Another night, the darkness all around. I'm downloading songs onto my iPod for the road trip to Vegas. There's always a song. It moves you, spiritually, emotionally, physically. Once again, consumed by the rhythm. Touched by the music. Saddened by the words. I'm the biggest softy when it comes to lyrics. Oh, how it touches me so deep down inside.

The house is quiet except for Sonic moving about and me on the computer... the house is calm. Only a couple of hours in the evening can I get this quiet. Actually, it's the early morning. Funny, I wanted a fulfilling life. But I didn't imagine this. And I'm ready for more. I want it all. Like always.

This time, let it be real. Let it be mine.

Beautiful Sad Song

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
Cause I saw the end before we'd began,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there.
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held you head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me.
Remember us and all we used to be.
I've seen you cry. I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine.
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time.
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby. I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

-James Blunt
"Goodbye My Lover"

MM

He is the ideal man. He is the one that you hoped you married. He may flirt. He may have his fantasies. But when the reality of what is possible to him yields only the thought of his marriage... he is the one I can't have. He makes me laugh so hard I cry. He makes my insides hurt at the thought of him. He makes my logic have reason. He seems to have all the traits and all the personality that makes me tick. But as we chat... as we flirt... as we make sense... he is married. I thought about how it hurt. I think about how it made me sick. I think about how it made my whole body ache. And in that moment, I almost didn't care.

Pirates 2

There's no such thing as jotting down a few things. By the time I get to my journal, weeks have passed. So, let's do a quick recap with some highlights...

I've now spoken to Geoffrey Rush and Jonathan Pryce. Both classics, in my opinion. Funny how they make me more nervous than speaking to a younger superstar. Things are going well. I think I have about 2 months left on this show. Red permanent markers checking off each day until we reach March ??? who knows when we will actually finish. Heard today that they are actually taking bets down in the Bahamas. Me, I just keep chugging along until they tell me to pack up my stuff and never come back again. As crazy as this show has been, I'm really glad for it. I've learned so much. And I've met some truly amazing people.

Rocky is doing great. He's 8-months now and really coming into his own. The training has truly paid off. And we had a scare... he got corrected by a stray rotty that I was going to foster. Needless to say but I will no longer be taking her in. I'm dying for a rotty but I think I will have to start from puppy and I'm just not prepared to do puppy-hood again. Sonic is fantastic. She's been sick but she's recovering nicely. I know she's having a hard time sharing me with Rocky. I can see it in her eyes, especially when I have him in my arms. She hasn't acted out at all. She's just an amazing creature.

Yin and Yang 2 are freezing. I need to move them inside before it gets even colder. But my house is so small and they take up so much space. It will be a cramped winter.... maybe cozy is a better word.

I'm headed to London in April, after I finish Pirates. I have some personal business to attend and I'm very excited. It's a change I've been wanting and needing. If I can convince my parents to watch the babies longer, maybe I can head over to Tuscany for a week. That should be fun. Lots to do and very little time to do it. The Brits are waking up, I better get busy.

Cheers.